Today is the 16th day after he left. I miss him so much. Everyday we talked in phone or chat in fb is seems nt enuff because my heart is always at his side Sometimes i feel so insecure because he is apart from me. But my trust to him is still strong and i cnt find any reason nt to trust him Wishes he will keep his promise n come back to me soon and dun break my trust.

Today he leaving here and back to his origin

I really dun wn him to leave me..

He really good. 

Cried day before n before he went to airport

He din allowed me go to airport with him.

He said he dun wn to see the sadness part...

I love u, babe.

I will keep the promise and wait u come back. 

New Year 2012

This is the first post i wrote in 2012..
Since my grandfather passed away last month,
i din even want to wrote..
so fast.
new year came, chinese new year here
and i
getting mature than wat i think
is tat because i worked for long time ald
or just because recently kept on happen a lot of things in my family and i
All of this influence me a lot
i really tired to handle everything
especialy is love

I tot i ald forgot everything with wei teng
but the memories like a knife
it stepped in my heart all the times
looked like i cant forget all of the things
my life still like tat
busy and busy
until i kept on lost my weight...
Gosh..
i will crazy if i lose my weight again..

Vampire life

Recently i become a vampire ald..
i m so active in nite time but not day time...
so sad
i need to be more active because i need to work

today gt something funny happen to me n my guests
haiz...
really made me feel speechless...

my phone gt problem today n i reset everything
i forgot that it will erase all my sms too
and at that moment, conversation btw he n me was gone
i really wn to scream out or cry but i cnt because i m working tat time
i m so regret to do so
everything about he and i is inside the msg
now everything became zero
i dunno how to do...

Start today is the busy day again until next week
i m miss him so much and wishes he is by my side all the times
maybe his life will be more complete without me
that is the reason i let him go
because he is the person that i love most
so i let myself get out from his life
but how can i let him get away from my soul?
this is a very good question tat i asked myself ten thousand times per day...

Something is wrong

Something wrong with me recently
i tot tat i wont be so emotional again
bt i m wrong
dunno wat reason
the feelng is back
It pushes me to the corner of my heart
feel like i will eat by the feeling

Because of that,
i ate less
talked less
and easily to cry
i m too sensitive...
T_T
even my parents noticed that
they din say anything bt i can see through their expression...
I m so sorry about tat

Why some guy can said "I love u" so easily?
even tat he never see me bt he said so to me and hope i can accept him
OMG
no way..
feel like play2

Today is Winter Solstice
After eat the tangyuan,
everyone will reunion with their family and friends.
wishes all my friends will enjoy the day...

Exhausted

Today is nt busy but a lot of thing happen...
All the complaint and problems...
Need to cover the trainees and new staff when they made the mistake..
So bad luck...

At the nite,
we went to BBQ at beach side...
happy but tired
someone tried to take advantage from me
kiss my cheek, hold my hand and my waist
i tried to escape them...
bt they tried to near to me..
haiz
so many "ham zhu shao"
@@

that why when they asked me go clubbing,
i reject them...
i knew wat is their motive
so, bye bye...

once i stepped in the hotel line when i m 20 yrs old,
i knew wat is the rule to survive...
i dun wnt to use my body to exchange other because i knew tat is nt worth
i try my best to keep the line with everyone bt they came to me too
haiz...
hard to survive in hotel line
i should quit

....

I back EQ ald more than a week...
In front of everyone,
i pretend that i m still like last time
a gurl that withour any problem and very happy
but no one is know that
i m just pretend
when they asked me about my bf
i just smile and said we ald broke up
feel like i m talking other ppl thing
but only i knew that,
everytime they asked, like put the salt on my pain
pain + pain
and i choose to accept that and use smile to pretend nothing

obviously that i m lost my weight again
a lot of staff told me tat
i knew but i cnt control tat
i did ate a lot just dunno cant gain my weight
so my face cant be round ald lar....
sad....

after him, a lot of guy approached to me
i try to accept them but i found that something is missing
i dunno wat is tat...
feel like very weird
some of my colleagues tot tat i gt a lot of bf and i m flirting all over
but they dunno tat one just the cover page
indeed, no guy can touch me now...
and flirting is just let others tot tat i m happy, i m laughing
Laugh is the best way to hide the tears..

After i lost control and cried in front of my buddies,
no one saw i m cried
i pretend nothing and shopping with them
i spend lot of money to convince myself that i m fine
but i knew that i m not...
i m still is the gurl which emotional and impatient

sometimes i m just do my jobs but still gt ppl said i m just pretend
or some of them will said i m playing the tricks
i m using my capability to do my job but will gt jealous from other person
if they cant do tat, please just shut up
i m tried to keep distance with all my ex in hotel but still gt ppl will come and said something...

Last year New Year, i celebrated with him in Blue Moon
this year, he ald gt another gurl to accompany him
i m nt jealous or mad
he and me are not start any relationship but just close with each other
without any commitment and promise
even until now,
i dunno wat to talk with him,
so both of us just pretend nothing happen and kept a distance

I knew that i should let him go
i m doing it and never think to stop tat
is God destiny us to met, be together and separate
This is called 'Faith"
Once i truly love the person,
i really cnt let myself go so easily
everyone can say so easily
i told everyone tat i will forget him and forget everything btw us
but it is really take time
the memory is like melody...
will surround ur mind all the times

Getting lost...

Today was a busy day again..
I dunno how long i can be patient in the department.
Working with someone irresponsible is so painful and suffer.
Especially is the person tat pretend they know everything but give you all the bullshit work...

Luckily gt help from other staff and trainees.
Eunice, Xavier, Carol and Sushi are did their good job
They dunno but they tried their best to help
They will ask if they dunno and gt the instruction from senior staff
When i saw them like tat, they reminded me tat last time i was like tat too
I learnt from zero until now ( Full with knowledge and profesionalism)
I learnt from stress and scolded...
Thats why i tried to help them as much as i can

Dunno why,
i tot i wont kept on think about him since that recently i m so busy
but i m wrong
his image is always appear in my mind
i want to see him..
i want to ask him why he dumped me....
I really want to buy i dun have the courage..
I m very scare the answer...
I getting lost on my track
I dunno how to do...
I can be very strong in my career but i cnt do so in my personal life

Commitment and promises i made is made me seem like a fool...
I scare to have another relationship anymore because i afraid will end up like this...
So i keep the bottom line with all my colleagues and guests...
I tried not to be so close with anyone of them
But still gt some are want to take advantage from me....
Hate it lar...
T_T

Thanks...

Today i received a very good comment from my guest
I only did my job ...
Thanks for the compliment...

Another thing is he check out today
Haha
He is a regular guest in the hotel...
I m the person check in him and also check out him too...
He tot i change shift because of him
Actually is my supervisor ald arrange my rooster,
Just i din tell him...
Haha
He is a very good guy...
But not suitable me
because of his age...

I miss him..
Long time din see him ald..
Dunno wat is he doing now...
Did he still ok....
I really wn to know...
Bt i dunno how to ask him...
I really wn to concern him...
Bt i afraid that he will hate me
so i just pretend nothing
indeed, i miss him and love him so much

I guess he dunno tat i will write blog at here
i m wish he will know and read what i m think..
I using my work to make myself more busy and not think about him
but when i m alone, he is the only thing in my mind...

Meteor rain

According to newspaper and Facebook,
tonight gt meteor rain
hurm....
i dunno should i believe or not.
but i wishes it is really have
because i wn to make wishes..
First one is hope his business can get better and stabalize
second is hope my career and study can be better and improve
third is hope everyone of my family and friends can stay healthy and happy

Miss u ....
After back to EQ,
still is surround by a lot of ppl...
i dunno how ald lar.....

Nice Day

Today is my lucky day...
Start working ald 3 days...
Feel like so tired..
Everyday been boomed by a lot of check ins...
Facing different kind of guests..
From different countries...
Feel like ..... @@@@@@@
i kept on increase my EQ but sure gt ppl try to challenge it...
Haha
Dun wn go to care such useless ppl..

Today gt a lot of compliments...
from guests, colleagues....
so sweet of them...
and i m sure that i lost my weight bt become prettier...
haha
happy die me...
i keep on answer the same que in these few days...
tired... but still need to answer...

i miss him..
i ald 1 month din see him ald
feel like 1 year
my heart still cnt let him go...
because it told me tat he worth me to love...
i love him and i knew it clearly
if at the end we did nt destiny to be together,
i wont blame or complaint..
because i knew maybe this is better for us...

Losing.......

I dunno wat i m doing recently
Since he broke up with me so sudden
i try to convince myself tat tis is just a joke
until now
i cant sleep well everyday
i dun wn to dream about him or about us
i will scare
i dun wn my happiness lost from my side in a minute
this is too suffer
i scare to sleep now..
haha

At exam time, i din really used much of time to do revision
bt the facts and formula can ran into my mind easily...
feel like impossible bt it is true
guess this is the compensation from the God

After 11 hours later,
i need to work...
i dunno can i control my emotion or will let my tears drop easily...
i feel so scare
they are my colleagues
we work together more than a year
but now i dunno how to face them
why suddenly it become like this??
i can feel tat my confidence is losing from time to time...

i feel like i m changing....
i m very scare.....
i dun wn to be like tat....
Why Why Why....

After the incident,
few guys approach me...
i felt shock...
thn some friends try to introduce their friend to me.
=.=
but all of this make me feel scare
i dun wn my happiness suddenly ran....
i dun wn it happen again...
my heart fall very deep until i cnt see it
Did anyone see my heart?
Can u help me find it?

To my dear...

Dear,

2 weeks din see u ald. How are you now? I miss u so much.
Finally i knew why u want to break up. I din blame you but i felt that why u so stupid? Why u din tell me ur business gt problem? I really wishes i can accompany u all the times to give u courage. We will try to find the better solution to help u solve ur problem. I hope i can help u. Wishes u can faster build up ur career as soon as possible because i knew that is important for you. I will wait you. If we destiny to be together, we can make it no matter how long. I love you, dear.

1 week...

Now ald one week after the incident
Every of my friends sent me their warmest part and their advice
i knew
since that he said so
i should just let it be
I did tried but i cant
i need the time to clear up my mind and my heart

They said they never saw i am been hurt so terrible
No one ever see i dropped my tears in front of them until this happend
It really out of my expectation

I lost my rational and my control
even now i knew i m under exam period,
but i really no mood to study
Everynite i cant sleep well...
Always awake because i want to far sawy from the nightmare
i dunno how long will it lasting
but i knew i m not regret to love him

Sometime i will questioned myself: Is tat my problem? My fault?
I really dunno and dun understand.
For me,
we ever think that we will marry one day so i never control my heart to fall for him
but now, i m still thinking how to get back my heart

I really tired...
So i stopped crying
pretend very well in front of everyone
But i knew i am not
Now,
i m phobia in love ald...
Haiz

Been dumped

Last thursday 24/11/11
Everything in my world is changed
He sent me an email and said want broke up
At the moment i saw the email,
i am nearly fainted.
I never expect this will happen
After that,
what i did is just cry
i really dunno why he left me
I really wn to ask him face to face

Next day
i told my friends about this
i cnt control myself and cried in front of them
They kept on confort me and encourage me
I really dunno wat i can do except cry.
At that time, my other friends msg me and ask me went to cameron highlands with them
i agree
So i went to Ipoh and they fetch me there

Along the way to Cameron Highlands, only i knew that actually they suppose to back Penang tat day bt because of me, they stayed for one night
Thanks to my friends
We went to night market enjoy a lot of food
In the midnight,
only i noticed that i cant control my tears to drop
I cried non stop
in front of a geng of friends which never see me cry
I cnt slp well whole night

Today
i commit suicided.
Almost ate a bottle of sleeping pills
my younger sister knocked my door thn saw it
she very scare
immediately she called my parents
THey sent me to hospital
my parents never expect i will do this
they felt regret and sad
i doesnt meant to use die to let him come back to me
Is i cnt think rationally
In the evening,
i begged my parents to let me discharge
They allowed and they said nothing

I really want to ask him
If u left me is because ur business
why u think that i stay beside you is make myself suffer.
Did u ever think tat i want to accompany you to expand your business?
I wishes i can be the one always support u
but now
all are dream
Dreams that never come true

Pressure

Just passed up an assignment
another one is next wed
so tension when see the assignment and journals
can i hv a class tat not related to exam or assignments?

He and i be together more thn one month only
but both of us feel that we like together for a long time ald
how come?
but it really sweet

he is so care about me
he can cook too
haha
i m really is a lucky gurl
^_^

I dun want like this

Starting cold war with him
i really dun wn like this
Now only i understand
not only him tat dun like to be control
i also dun like
both of us too eager to win
so no one want to admit the fault

Bt now
i m the person always said sorry to him
is tat really all my fault?
now the way he talked to me at fb is like a stranger
his msg fulled with anger and dislike
is tat what i deserved to get?

when i started to use the blog again,
is i wn to share my happiness with all my friends
because i knew he deserve tat
now i kept on lower my limit
did he really CARE?

i never expect our relationship with hv a such big gap now
but i m glad is now.
if after marry only find out this problem,
sure will fighting everyday....

For me
my heart is always for him only
bt did he know?
The only que that i asked myself several times per hour..
Can we back to beginning?
Can we still be together?
Did he still remember?
Our coming soon one month anniversary...
I wishes he will remember

How to solve it?

Last nite,
i did a stupid thing..
i msg him n request for temporary seperation.
After he online, he just said that he respect my decision.
Tat is nt the purpose i wrote that.
what i wn is his understanding, caring

Few weeks ago,
we started argued.
at the same time, we nt call each other frequently
i m really worry,
Is that our relationship going to the end?
I dunn wn...

So difficult only we together
i dun wn to give up so easily
just because

I LOVE HIM

but now
i just wn he back to my side
i m wontdering

CAN WE?

Dissapointed

Today he said he is very dissapointed to me
How hurt am i when i saw the msg
Ya, its my fault when asked his frend whether he is with him
bt tat is because i worry him
he never never know that
because he NEVER wnt to know wat i m thinking

He kept on said he love me
bt feel like all are lies
he care his friends more thn me
he prefer to play game bt nt reply my msg

ENOUGH FOR ME ALD
is tat he in a relationship with me is just to show off?
Or just because every of his friends are in a relationship so he need to do so too?
is tat he really love me?

I cn feel tat his heart is not on me
What should i do?
After he kept on hurt me?
Break up?
Be patient?
I really dunno...

That day

昨天，他带我去他阿姨家。
来了好多的亲戚。
他一一介绍给我认识，
好感动。。
只是也许是第一次见面吧，
感觉很陌生，不知道怎样跟他们相处。
晚餐时，我和他的家人一起吃。
他的父母对我很好。
只是发生了一些事情让我的情绪波动。
那时他的爸爸看见他咳嗽了，
就吩咐我别让他喝冰。
我就不小心告诉他爸爸说他生病还喜欢吃快餐。
结果他就怨我说，我每在他爸面前给他面子。
天知道， 我真的不知道他的家人不知道这件事，

不止如此，他还以很怨恨的语调告诉他的妈妈和弟弟的女友说，
我不能去他家过夜是因为我妈妈觉得我们才交往不久。
当时的他，可曾帮我在他家人面前六一些面子?
难道他需要在家人面前有面子，我就不用吗？